Cruising for a Boozing

Booze: The Other White Meat...

When picking vices, I decided take the low-road, - the harmless and socially acceptable art form of drinking. Looking back I should have just been normal and picked crack like everyone else.

For all of you that don't know....Booze is an asshole. Booze is the type of friend that will call you collect, from Hong Kong. Booze will drink all of your juice and put the carton back in the fridge. Booze will order pay-per view without asking. Booze will eat the last slice, use your washrag and your toothbrush. Dont be friends with this guy trust me. Plus, he hangs out with this other asshole named Hangover, and trust me that douche always overstays his welcome.

Booze has led to many things, - mosty bad.

For example:

Macy Gray - BAD

Yep, we all listened to this lady who sounded like a cross between a lawnmower and ET trying to phone home. Why? Booze. Booze had a hand in this believe me. Theres no way you can listen to her Pterodactylish screech without a "Liquor listening aide". Im sure if we compare her record sales with the rise in Bacardi stock, we'd see a pattern.

Ghetto Names - BAD

Shaquilonda? Fail.
ReytreyTrey? Fail

Domshiqua? Oh man Fail.

La-sha (LaDashsha) *wish i was making that up* -  FAIL!!

If you tell me you dont know one of these people "you's a damn lie" and get of my blog wit your lying ass. This is how Booze gets you twice, He gets you to name these kids while under his influence and then the kids grow up and realize their names are so screwed up that unless they can rap or ball its strait to the Booze shop to work on their alternative career choice - Liquor store wino. Cute, booze, real cute. Hell sometimes when booze is really feeling himself he gets people to name kids after himself. (dont pretend like you never met a Hennesy or a Alize, stop it 5.)

Liquid Courage - VERY BAD

"Fuk is he looking at??"

"dude chill out man"

"nah F*k that i keeps it real!"

"oh boy..."

You see Booze has to pay bills like everyone else so he is employed by his two buddies pain and suffering who pay him to keep them in business. Every once in a while, Booze will whisper sweet nothings in your ear and make you think that slapping a bouncer will show ur date that ur a real man, or that talking back to the police will give you instant "Street Cred". After all Police wouldn't dare Taze you bro, its ok.

As your being rushed to the hospital, he's headed to Pay-o-matic to cash his check.

F*king a*hole.




Career Changers...GOOD


Career in the dumps?
People forgetting who you are?
Even Kat Stacks wont sleep with you?

Yeah get some booze in ya...

As part of Booze's Prison Release Program, he has to help celebrities get their careers together by effing up their lives bad, thereby putting them in the spotlight, so  that everything they do while not under his influence is deemed as great. Need examples?





Who is Charlie Sheen? Da Shit

Who was Charlie Sheen B4 Booze? Carlos Estevez.

Who was Robert Downey Jr.? A drunk.

Who is Robert Downey Jr. Now? A Dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude.

To wrap up booze is a Dick.

And i will not drink booze ever again.

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...

...

Yeah Eff that, Who am i kidding? Booze is where its at.

(paid for by friends of Booze McAlcohol, who remind you to down a few each day, because its just the right thing to do.)

"It's this whole craaazy thing."

This is a blog. 

This is not only a blog, but the best blog in the history of blogging and if you don't agree...well your just wrong. Your math is off, you forgot to carry the one somewhere in that equation. 

Ok now that that's outta the way, welcome to my blog simply titled "The Sogetsu", which has a very deep and philosophical meaning I will explain eventually,  but for now its just "that awesome blog with the name you will most surely mispronounce".

No one really understands me because my manual was written in a dead language, so basically I am 100 different things to 100 different people, (400 things if you count that people change their minds about me constantly, based on the weather.) Basically, I  am indeed what you think you thought I am, that time you thought that you were thinking about what you thought I was, and I'm damn proud.

Here's a few things to write on your flash cards so that you'll understand me a lil better and therefore will help you become a better person.

1. I Do's the Kung Fuus. - That's right, I like to kick shit. I believe that all major questions especially those of the most profound origin can be solved simply by a swift kick in the choad.

2. I'm a hater, I hate when things are going well. especially for someone other than me. I hate your promotion, your new car, your clean bill of health, your aspirations, your achievements, I even hate what you had for dinner. When there's nothing to hate on you for,  ill hate on you for not having anything for me to hate on you for.

3. I don't like authority, I go down one-way streets, I walk down "UP" escalators, I use fire exits, lean on doors while riding trains, order breakfast after 11am and Sometimes ill have a bad night on purpose depending on your tone of voice when you tell me "Have a good night!" You can often find me arguing with my conscience because I feel like "He don't know me like to be telling me what to do."



5. (No i didn't skip 4 - I wrote it in a special font. - hold alt and press F4 to view)

Hehehe...Welcome back. Anyway...

I'm not a girly-man. I don't suffer from "Lesstosterone" I don't start sentences with "I feel...".  I don't suck toes, I wont hold ur purse while you get your hair done, I wont stare at your boobs while you talk but i am picturing your ass, most of that time. If you will be offended by me repeating  "word?", "thas crazy!" and "4real??" over and over again during our conversation, I'm probably not the person you should call to chat with. With the way men are devolving pretty soon we will be shopping for bra-sizes..for ourselves. Yeah well I'm a fossil...No thanks.




Well if you read all the way through that means you can read and we're on the right track already, I may even invite you over to drink $2 booze with me.  If not the pictures are pretty and colorful, yes?...yes!

Stay tuned for more.  Hell, gimme a topic and if it doesn't suck balls, ill blog about it.


Thanks for reading. Winners don't use drugs!